Springtime is here.
You might be thinking, “Laura, have you been outside? Have you looked at a calendar? Springtime has clearly been here for a while now. Way to be late to the warm weather party.”
To which I will say, “Yes, but until now, I had not seen a four-year-old climb a flowering tree; I had not seen the MN Twins play baseball; and I had not made a spring mix CD for my ears to enjoy in the car while I drive. This is what makes spring.”
To which you will say, “Oh. You are right. I’m sorry for even questioning you. Are the Twins any better this year?”
and I will say, “Well, not so far. That is why I am leaving the country come summer… so I don’t have to watch another season like last season.”
To which you will say, “What music is on your spring playlist? Maybe I want to make a spring cd and I’m looking for some inspiration for a few more songs for it,” or if you are my sister you will say, “Where is a copy of the playlist you promised to share with me?” And to both of you, I say, “Here you go!”
It is time to go away. Give it up. I don’t want to see you again for at least 6 months. Maybe 8 months. You are no longer welcome here. I no longer want to dress kindergartners in hats and gloves and scarves. I stopped wearing my winter coat weeks ago, but sometimes I am still cold in my fleece. I blame YOU, winter. It is spring. It is time for you to go home. Remember that your home is now in the Southern Hemisphere (or will be soon when they are done with fall). You had a nice run this year. We welcomed your first blizzard, and trudged through the next few. We are done being a gracious hostess. It is not time to say goodbye.
In case a well-written letter doesn’t work, I googled, “How to get rid of unwanted guests.”
Here are some ideas you might consider trying:
- eviction notice
- charge rent
- stop feeding them
- feed them gross food
- pretend the plasma tv broke and get out the black and white television
- blast horrible music
- call the cops
- change the locks
I am not sure if these tactics will work to get rid of winter, but it is worth a shot…
wait… did you hear that? Winter, I think I hear someone calling your name…. yep, there it was again. Listen carefully – I think that is Argentina. She misses you! And so does South Africa, and Brazil is calling your name also! Go! Run, winter! Run!
If that doesn’t work, try the, “you go to the southern hemisphere and I’ll time you and see how fast you can get there. Ready? GO! 1…2…3…”