All I know about dating, I learned from Christmas movies…

I have been watching a lot of cheesy made for TV Christmas movies lately.  I love them.

And I’ve been learning a lot from them.

I thought I’d take a moment to pass along some of the relationship tips that I’ve picked up in the past few weeks.

Number 1:  Christmas might be just a few days away, but it is NOT too late to find love in time for the holidays.

Sure, your love might start out as contrived, fake, or unwanted.  But soon (very soon)  it will blossom into a true Christmas miracle.

Number 2: Deceit is a great beginning to finding love.

You usually are trying to deceive your mother.  But really who can blame you – she is putting all sorts of pressure on you to be married.  This pressure really only bothers you at Christmas.

Your mother will forgive you once she realizes your fake boyfriend is a great addition to the fam.

Number 3: If your actual boyfriend (or fiance) dumps you right before Christmas, really the only option is to put an ad in the local paper, online, or by hanging an ad in your store front.

This is actually pretty amazing to know, because in 100% of people (movies) polled, the guy who answers your ad will be your one true love.  #greatnews

Number 4: Realizing that this stranger-man is actually the love of your life requires your mother to have you both stay together in your childhood bedroom.  This is awkward at first, but he will offer to sleep on the floor.  Then neither of you will be able to sleep.  So you will stay up talking.  And fall in love.  But neither of you will admit as much to the other person.

Number 5: Your feelings will be solidified when you are forced to kiss in front of friends and families to prove your love.

Number 6: If you don’t put out an ad to find love, coerce someone to be your fake boyfriend, or pay them to pretend to like you, someone else will put you in an equally awkward position.  It might be your son entering you in a contest to find a husband by Christmas, or a well-meaning family member setting you up on a blind date for Christmas Eve.  You will be unhappy about it at first, but in 90 minutes or less, (give or take a few commercial breaks) you will be wondering why you didn’t see what a brilliant idea this was right off the bat.

Number 7: Wedding are super fast to plan.  And after your family has a couple minutes to get over the fact that you initially lied to them and faked your relationship, they’ll be so happy that you ended up falling in love with this amazing imposter who has no family of their own to celebrate with so they were willing/forced to pretend to be with you but is actually a super quality guy, better than anyone you’ve ever brought home before, that everyone will join the planning-fun and you will be married by New Years (or sooner).

You are welcome.  And congratulations on your newly-found happiness and joy.

I am off to a Christmas Eve Eve Eve party, but am already looking forward to getting home again and either (a) cleaning up the Christmas cookie mess I left in the kitchen, or (b) checking out my Netflix line-up.  I still have a lot more Christmas/love stories to watch.

And then there are all the Christmas/puppy movies.  I’ve always wanted a pet!  Maybe me and my fake boyfriend will bring home a dozen of adorable Golden Retrievers for Christmas.

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