I thought it was spring. Was I confused?

Dear Winter,

It is time to go away. Give it up.   I don’t want to see you again for at least 6 months.  Maybe 8 months.  You are no longer welcome here.  I no longer want to dress kindergartners in hats and gloves and scarves.  I stopped wearing my winter coat weeks ago, but sometimes I am still cold in my fleece.  I blame YOU, winter.  It is spring.  It is time for you to go home.  Remember that your home is now in the Southern Hemisphere (or will be soon when they are done with fall).  You had a nice run this year.  We welcomed your first blizzard, and trudged through the next few.  We are done being a gracious hostess.  It is not time to say goodbye.

Sincerely,

Laura

In case a well-written letter doesn’t work, I googled, “How to get rid of unwanted guests.”

Here are some ideas you might consider trying:

  • eviction notice
  • charge rent
  • stop feeding them
  • feed them gross food
  • pretend the plasma tv broke and get out the black and white television
  • blast horrible music
  • call the cops
  • change the locks
I am not sure if these tactics will work to get rid of winter, but it is worth a shot…
.
wait… did you hear that?  Winter, I think I hear someone calling your name…. yep, there it was again.  Listen carefully – I think that is Argentina.  She misses you!  And so does South Africa, and Brazil is calling your name also!  Go!  Run, winter!  Run!
.
If that doesn’t work, try the, “you go to the southern hemisphere and I’ll time you and see how fast you can get there.  Ready?  GO!  1…2…3…”

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