I know we’ve been tackling a lot of serious and important topics here lately: texting while walking, being fanned with giant leaves, life as a musical, etc. Well, I’ve got one more that has been weighing on my mind of late: the art of eating Jelly Belly Jelly Beans.
First of all, have I ever told you my initial childhood experience with Jelly Bellies? My dad would bring them back from business trips to New Mexico, so I was convinced that Jelly Bellies were an Albuquerque thing. Turns out they are not. Yet another random fact Laura convinced herself was truth as a child…
Ok, back to the situation at hand. What is your strategy?
I’m really more of an artificial lemon first, then lime and orange second, kind of person myself. So when it comes to hard candy or jelly beans, that’s where I start.
Then I tackle the reds family, because you know what? Those are pretty tasty too. Except for Jolly Rancher cherry. sick. I hope they never make that into a jelly bean flavor. Then we will really be in trouble.
But soon what are you left with? The shady flavors. They might be good. They might be disgusting. And there is only one way to find out. But is it worth the risk?
These are the tough questions I grappled with while sitting at my desk last Friday between conferences.
When it comes to the shady flavors, they can really still be divided into two camps: the jelly beans that have a slim chance of tasting decent, and those that are irrefutably disgusting.
Exhibit A: Buttered Popcorn. This is one jelly bean that you should take the time to memorize its coloring: light yellow with yellow speckles. Avoid this one at all costs.
But some others – iffy shades of pink or red, odd spotting, generally puky colors. Shady. Kind of like this shady van.
But actually less like a van and more like a jelly bean.
I sat there, wishing the next conference would arrive, so I could distract myself from this life changing dilemma.
I wouldn’t claim to have any authority on this topic, but I will tell you what I did. I identified the 4-6 jelly beans with the highest probability of not being totally disgusting, and I tentatively tasted three of them. The remaining? I put them in their rightful home: the garbage. And everyone went home happy.